BUILDING AN AUTHENTIC CATHOLIC FAMILY

BUILDING AN AUTHENTIC CATHOLIC FAMILY

Man as a social being has his root from the family. The family is the first point as an agent of socialisation where culture, laws, values, norms, etc. are learnt. Families these days are not living up to the expectation of what they were used to as DISCIPLINE was the core norm. We see an insecurity epidemic that is raging among families in the society. Now we see it most vividly in the spread of “Am I hot or not?” and “Am I ugly?” Some videos even YouTube, which not surprisingly led to vicious, hateful comments by commenters. There will inevitably be a new trend that highlights the ubiquity of this societal problem. For educators, parents, and other observers, these trends are unfortunately not surprising. Far too many children are being stripped of their childhood and subjected to pressures and events that destroy their authenticity, sense of worth, and trust in others. They are transformed from little children who will speak their minds, dance and sing in public, act silly as they play blissfully, and eat whatever they feel like without hesitation to sullen, insure adolescents, obsessed with their image, popularity, conformity, and physical appearance. The most serious repercussions of this transformation are truly pernicious, including self-harm (cutting), eating disorders, depression, substance abuse, sexual promiscuity, and suicide. In addition, academic performance often suffers. The reality is that too many children face a joyless childhood filled with anxiety, which tears their souls and hinders their spiritual development. The impact of these repercussions of unhappiness and insecurity do not stop with the end of adolescence, but unfortunately often on the well-being of countless people.

What is “Catholic Character,” why does it matter, and what can we do as members of the family to develop it in our family? The best way to answer those questions is to begin with an even more basic one: what is the meaning of life? Scripture and the Church teach us that we have three divinely ordained purposes that give our lives meaning:

1.     SALVATION: Seeking to save our eternal souls and help save the souls of others (that salvation, the Church teaches, is God’s free gift but requires our cooperation through faith in God, obedience to His commandment, and repentance of our grave sins).

2.     SERVICE: Using our God-given talents to build God’s kingdom here on earth.

3.     SANCTITY: Growing in Holiness.

The third of these life goals, Sanctity, is central to building Catholic Character. At the end of the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says something that is stunning: “Be thou made perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matthew 5:48). St. Gregory put it this way “The goal of a virtuous life is to become like God”. Scripture tells us, “God is love” (1 John 4:16). If we want to be like God, our vocation is to love. The essence of love is to sacrifice for the sake of another, as Jesus did. Love is self-gift. What, then, is our goal if we want to develop Catholic Character in ourselves and others especially in the family? The character of Christ. A life of self-giving. In short, the ultimate mission of every Catholic Family, like the mission of the Church as a whole, is to turn us into little Christ. It is to foster, with the help of God’s grace, the “transformation in Christ” that the Holy Spirit jumpstarts in our baptism - a process that is meant to continue through our entire lives.

What Virtues Should We Foster?

The high goal of Christ-like character builds on a base of what the Church calls “natural virtues”. Among the natural virtues that families should nurture are the four advanced by the ancient Greeks, named in Scripture (Wisdom 8:7), and adopted by the Church as “the Cardinal Virtues”.

1.     Prudence, which enables us to judge what we should do;

2.     Justice, which enables us to respect the right of others and give them what they are due;

3.     Fortitude, which enables us to do what is right in the face of difficulties;

4.     Temperance, which enables us to control our desires and avoid abuse of even legitimate pleasure.

They are called cardinal virtues because they are as it were the hinges on which all other moral virtues turn. These natural virtues are developed through effort and practice, aided by God’s grace. In order to develop Christ-like character, however, we need more than the cardinal virtues; we also need the three supernatural, or “theological virtues”:

1.     Faith in God, which enable us to believe in God and teaching of His Church.

2.     Hope in God, which leads us to view eternal life as our most important goal and to place total trust in God.

3.     Love of God, which enables us to love God above all things and our neighbour as ourselves for the love of God.

The three theological virtues are considered supernatural because they come from God and have as their purpose our participation in God’s divine life. As the Catechism (1813) teaches, the theological virtues are not separate from the cardinal virtues; rather, they “are the foundation of Christian moral activity; thy animate it and give it its special character”. The Catholic writer Peter Kreeft points out, “The Christian is prudent, just, courageous, and self-controlled out of faith in God, hope in God, and love of God”. The supernatural virtues, like the natural virtues, grow stronger through our effort and practice, in cooperation with God’s grace. What can we do as parents or singles to build Catholic character both the natural and supernatural virtues?

Let us realise that to prepare our kids, wards or ourselves to follow Christ is to prepare us to take the road less traveled. Living a life of Christian virtue has always been counter cultural but never more so than in today’s media-driven, materialistic, sexually decadent, and morally relativistic world. With that in mind, here are five fundamentals of parenting/guides for Catholic Character.

Build a loving relationship: Time shared together is important as kids will care about values when they know we care about them. Emotionally, intimate time is especially important for helping our children feel loved and for maximising our influence on the kind of person they are becoming. Love as communication; the quality of our love often comes down to the quality of our communication. Love as sacrifice; say one mother: “The most important thing parents can do for their children is to love each other and stay together”.

Use the power of good example: The example we set - especially when it is coupled with a loving relationship - is one of the most important ways we affect the character of our kids.

Teach directly: If we want our example to have maximum impact, our kids, brothers and sisters need to know the values and beliefs that lie behind it. We need to practice what we preach, but we also need to preach what we practice. We should directly teach every mariner. We should directly teach the fundamentals of our faith. We should make a list of the Catholic truths we want to teach the members of the family like: there is such a thing as truth; sacraments are important, when the Pope teaches, he speaks with voice of Christ; life is sacred, from conception until natural death; we have a special duty to help Christ’s “Least ones” - the poor, homeless, disabled, sick, oppressed, and unborn; sex is the beautiful gift of a good God but reserved by God for the marriage of a husband and wife; when we join our suffering with the Cross of Christ, we become more like Jesus and participate in His work of saving souls; the mass is the single most important part of our faith, through which Jesus continues to redeem the world (and we are obligated to go to Sunday or Vigil mass under pain of mortal sin); a relationship with the blessed mother is a sure path to a relationship with her son.

Exercise authority wisely: We must have a strong sense of our moral authority and then exercise it wisely. We must take strong stands that are consistent with our Catholic values like: prohibition of all forms of pornography, music with profane, lewd, or denigrating lyrics, immodest dress, etc. We must discipline wisely. We must practice vigilant supervision over our family members.

Provide authentic experiences of the faith: Building Catholic Character requires authentic personal experiences of the faith, within and beyond the family. These can be gain in assistance to the less privileged people, partial or full fast for the family on selected days in a week, attending masses, confession and praying the Rosary.

Conclusively, the words of Pope John Paul II on the family: “The family has the mission to guard, reveal and communicate love and this is a living reflection of and a real sharing in God’s love -for humanity and the love Christ the Lord has for the Church His bride”. We know that our ministry does not happen in a vacuum. If the Church wants to truly serve young people they need to be reaching out to the families. Supporting marriages and families is vital. Some parents find themselves parenting alone or in less than ideal circumstances and the Church needs to support and encourage them as well. Creating an authentic Catholic culture in the family can be a challenge. There is no checklist of what makes a family Catholic and no official resources exist that tells us how to create a Catholic home. Finding ways to live to our faith everyday is the best way to foster a Catholic Culture in our various families.